Reacting, and the hazards therein
Today at school, the “Tech” or staff personal redirected a student to sit quietly. The Tech then also said to me, “You can dismiss him if you want to,” referring to the student. The student, I’ll call Pete (not his real name), reacted and began to argue with the Tech and berate him for saying such a thing. As quickly as possible I got Pete’s attention and had him focus on me. I asked him, “What exactly did the Tech say?” Pete repeated what the Tech had said and tried to add his opinion. I stopped him and asked, “Did he say he would dismiss you?” Pete tried to equivocate with, “Well, …” so I quickly insisted on a yes or no answer. Pete answered “no.” Then I asked Pete if the Tech asked me to dismiss him. Insisting again on yes or no, Pete again answered “no.” “So, Pete,” I asked, did you get dismissed?” Relunctantly Pete replied, “no.” “What was it the Tech said again,” I asked Pete. Pete repeated the Tech’s words. Then I asked Pete if the Tech’s comment was informational or directive. Pete had to admit that the statement was informational. I questioned Pete as to why he would get so upset just because the Tech gave me some information. Pete tried to tell me how the Tech shouldn’t say such a thing. We then discussed whether the information was truthful and accurate. Pete agreed it was but kept wanting to make the Tech wrong for saying it. I finally got Pete to see that it wasn’t WHAT the Tech said, but THE MEANING Pete had attached to his words. Pete finally got that words are just words until we apply the meanings. If Pete had heard the Tech’s comment as merely information, he could have refrained from getting angry and nearly getting the very thing he was trying to avoid – getting dismissed from class.
While Pete is still a young man of 15, his behavior is not so different from our own. How often do we hear something and react to what we interpret it to mean rather than choosing to make the words mean something we can either ignore or respond to in a way that empowers us and leaves us happy?
Take the opportunity today to hear what you choose to hear – you’ll never be insulted again!